My Truth/Empowering Women

As I sit here, my thoughts slowly turn into a spiral of anxiety. The power of our brain processing things we have been through, is almost uncontrollable in the sense that we cannot help how we feel. Certain quotes have helped me gain strength and understanding with some things I have endured in my recent years of life.

Never have I been an angry person or someone who holds a grudge, and I am still not. Yet I have found myself recently having trouble understanding why I let my soul be harmed in such ways. Why did I not say anything to stand up for myself, why did I think that was normal behavior to allow in my life, and quite honestly why did I even care enough to let these people get to me so much? The angst I feel behind this topic is almost unexplainable. Being targeted, ganged up on, and having false rumors spread about you for a year and a half, is something I truly do not wish upon anyone. I could give you a list of specifics but that list would be 5 pages long. What baffled me was it was not only girls my age but 2+ years older as well. I truly had never felt that intense of a low in my entire life. I remember the day this past fall I called my mom on a Friday from my dorm sobbing in the middle of the night. I was telling her I could not do it anymore, I could not stay here, my mental health was deteriorating. My mom was there that sunday to help move me out.

It is hard for me to talk about because I never gave any girl a reason to target me like they did. The other day I saw a quote that said Empowered Women, Empower Women. For some reason it stuck in my head all day and night and then I was suddenly able to make sense of it and apply it to my life. Girls who are motivated, go getting, kind hearted, confident people are NEVER the ones to attack, give dirty looks, or talk negatively about other females. They know their own worth and have enough respect for them self to allow others to shine just as bright as they are without trying to tear them down piece by piece. They build you up and want to see you thrive along with them. Sadly, I was not surrounded by those types of girls. They were the type of people you walk through a room and you know they immediately start whispering about you or even say awful things to your face just to look cool in front of their friends. I truly feel bad for them, their aura and energy speaks for them self. Girls who think its funny to start horrid rumors, sh*t talk, and gossip about one another are so sad with themselves they try to make the girls they see are happy, fail.

The advice I hate hearing is “Oh just ignore them, rise above it.” That does help don’t get me wrong, but when people who are so hyper focused on destroying others see that they are no longer getting a reaction, they will try and change the way others perceive you. That is when the rumors and lies begin.

I am so ready for the Girls Supporting Girls posts that I see everyone always putting on their stories to actually start meaning something. I feel like me writing about this is my way of taking back the power I felt these girls take from me. This post is to acknowledge my confident girls who feel they have experienced this at any point in their life. I see you, I empathize with you, and I want you to know the first step to getting yourself back is to leave the environment or make a change. You are 1000 times better, even if it is you vs a whole bunch of evil. I am here to support and love any girl out there who may need the extra shoulder to cry on. I think it's time a whole lot of people do some self reflection and realize words and actions hurt, and they stick with people for a long time. I hope me coming out with my truth helps someone who may relate in any way and brings them a sense of comfort. I know it feels good to let all this out on my end.