"MEN WILL BE MEN" PART ONE

I've been giving this topic much thought, all the way back since early July when I was put in the shoes of a young lady who had been sexually harassed at work, and had to leave her job because of it. I was deciding how I would incorporate everything that must be said in one blog post; When it finally dawned on me, that I don’t have to fit it all in one. The topic of misogyny against women and sexual harassment cannot be summed up. It is an issue that we must continue talking about until the data proves the statistics are lower, and until then I will not stop writing. I urge you as you read to try and make a connection between my story and yours, or a loved ones. This happens far too often and many go unreported because of feeling scared.

It was early July, I was at work when a familiar face that I had known all the way back when I was 14-15 years old approached me. This man had authority over me back then. He was in a role in society to be alone with young girls and boys all day long. His profession involved kids needing to feel comfortable and safe around him. He was a member at my place of work and would order drinks from me all the time. I would always know he was coming because I could spot a man in the distance smoking a joint. I enjoyed talking to him because he had known me from when I was an adolescent freshman in high school till now (junior in college). I guess I should say I DID enjoy talking to him, until it became apparent to me that I was being sexualized by a man who watched me grow into a woman.

The comments started off slow, but once they got rolling they continued every time I saw him. Comments like look it’s my girlfriend, let's go get drinks, although I am not even 21 and would not go either way. Once I said I was not of age, he responded with something like well it’s okay you look it. Not to mention he has a wife at home. When she came to my place of work with him one day, he came up to me before to say he has to be on his best behavior and that he would not be drinking in her presence. All of this was odd to me but I did not let it disrupt my day.

Until one day it was slow at work. No one really around me. I was in my collared shirt uniform and a decently long skirt. My hair all messed up because I didn't really do it that morning, given I had to be at work pretty early. I see this man approaching me. I expected the usual banter, and was ready to brush it off my shoulder, but that day he crossed the line. He made a comment about my breast size comparing it to when I was 14-15 years old. A child's age. My jaw dropped. The amount of discomfort that overcame my body was unreal. I covered my face with the clipboard I was holding and had no words.

The weeks following this incident honestly haunt me. I stayed quiet for a few days deciding what to do with this information. I was so uncomfortable and was questioning myself whether or not I was allowed to be upset by this comment. I came to the conclusion that, YES I AM VALID. I went to my boss and told her what had occurred and she responded back to me with, “Well men will be men”. And this is where I am taking a stand for all women who have been hushed or made to feel invalid because “MEN WILL BE MEN”. After I left my job because he was still an active member, I got word the club ended up kicking him out after what had happened. I never wanted that to occur. I wanted to leave in peace and forget that this man ever said anything to me. Once I thought this horror story was over it simply wasn’t…. PART TWO SOON.